Airport Observations

In order of occurrence (edited as needed):

1. The conductor of the modified electric golf cart obesity mobile just referred to it as a "tram".
2. Two businessmen just walked by with matching pastel green ties.
3. My legs are going numb. This floor is hard.
4. It's always a little weird when you can't tell if a guy is with his wife or daughter... Isn't it?
5. Moving up in the world: I am now on a temporary stage that was probably used for some silly in-airport entertainment.
6. First Mate Charlie actually just walked past me.
7. Just received a call from USAir on my cell phone (wtf?). Automated voice with the following message: "This message is for Timothy. Your flight, 3194 to Portland, Maine, has been delayed. The delay time is seventy-eight minutes. Your flight will arrive in Portland at approximately 11:18pm." FML.
8. "Tram" driver just said "Beep-a-lee-beep!" I kid you not.
9. "Look. You have to make a decision. It's your decision. Either you go with your mom to get your haircut like Matthew, or you go with me! You make the decision. It's your choice. But you are going with either your mom or me to get your haircut like Matthew. You make a choice about who you want to go with. But, you're going. You are getting your haircut like Matthew. I will not tolerate your hair being long. If I see you with your hair long this weekend, you're not going to soccer. You make the choice."
10. Time for dinner and beer.
11. I am now at the Jet Rock Bar and Grill, Terminal B, Philadelphia International Airport. 43 beers on tap. Plenty of TVs. Classic rock in the background. Attempting to be both a sports bar and rock and roll nostalgia venue?
12. The song "Laid" by James is currently playing. Yes.
13. Anchor Brewing Liberty Ale: 22 oz.
14. SNPA (yes, Ted! Yes!): 22 oz.
15. Think I just overheard a bartender mention a Sham-Wow (Mark!). SHAM-FUCKING-WOW! (see graphic)
16. I didn't know the "trams" used headlights at night (inside an airport terminal, mind you). Until now. This one didn't "beep-a-lee-beep" though - they had a bicycle bell.
17. Interaction between me and waitress: "How you doin', baby?" "Good. Good." "You just let me know when you're ready, okay?"