A Carleton College Week One of Fall Term 2009 Update from Third Year Student Mark "Scourge of the Midwest" Olson

A man without a mustache is like a cup of tea without sugar.
-English Proverb

I like that quote and it reminded me of when Ted and I (and sorta Nonberg, although he cheated) did mustache club.



Okay, So here is my Carleton update. I forget that several of those who read this blog are not anywhere near Carleton.

Swimming Stuff:
So on Wednesday, we had our first team meeting. First things first, the email said there would be snacks. Upon arrival, I soon found out... that there were actually no snacks to be found. I made my unhappiness known to a few select individuals. There were a lot of us there. I think the girls have somewhere between 5-9 freshman, and the guys have about 12ish. I know some are on the fence though. The coaches and captains introduces themselves and then we broke off into genders, where we did introductions and a lil Q & A for the freshman. Then that was pretty much it. We went to a team dinner at Burton, which has experienced some changes (I'll explain later).

The freshman seem cool. Rumors are that some have a bit of a cockiness to them (I don't know what about, exactly - someone just said that). I think they just might be freshman, and I'll give em a chance. Some are quite cool though. Some of the guys played knock out today, which was tight. A few of the fresh ones showed up and a couple of them were pretty damn good (Momoru, for example). I think the Cocktail Party is going to be a gee golly good time.

Okay, Burton - Bad things first: The long tables are gone. Instead they have been replaces by small tables that are perpendicular to the windows/wall. They seat about 6 - 8. This new format does fit more people in the space. However, it is terrible for team unity. I've already started a "Comment Card Campaign." Louise, Brenner and Djem are quite enthusiastic about writing serious and silly cards about the issue. Boo short tables.

Another change is the elimination of Mundo Latino... Instead there is a World station that will supposably serve mundo latino-like dishes occasionally, but has only served bad curry for the past week. (Also this new World station is where heartland prairie used to be and the heartlannd is now where mundo latino used to be...) Boo no Mundo Latino.

They have also changed the entry way to the Sevy side of Burton. Now the ONLY enterance is through the double doors by the bathroom. That big block door where we used to enter is now always closed. Boo it being harder to sneak in.

Also (this is temporary but it still sucks), the new freshman dining hall workers are still scared to give more than the serving size their boss says they can. MEANING that I had to go up and get THREE plates full of Sweet Potatoe Fries, because the little chubby white girl freshman was to afraid of the big black chef. Hopefully this will subside soon. Boo incompetent dining hall workers and fear mongering supervisors.

Positive changes to Burton (there are only a few):
The mysterious room behind the double doors which where right by our long table and the coat rack is now a dining area. There are a few bigger tables and the team is considering taking over that room each dinner. (Providing more space there gives them less of a reason to not change back to the long tables, right?)

There is now a tray return over by the tea room. Although I do not use the tea room (like at all), this is good for the Carleton community.

Also, on an unrelated note, last weekend Caitlin and Black Ice stopped by when Megan's townhouse (Euchster) threw a lil rager! Good times were had by all.

Okay, that was the Burton Dining Hall Status Report Tangent and Carleton Status Report. Over and Out.

Wolf Blitzer is dumb

I was watching celebrity jeopardy today and the strangest thing happened. In hindsight, I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. The three contestants were Wolf Blitzer, Andy Richter, and some lady actress I didn't recognize. Basically, at the end of the 2nd round, Wolf had -$4,600 (the negative sign is not a typo) and Andy Richter had $39,000. The segment I'm talking about can be found here.

I'm not going to lie, I've always thought that the women in the news mostly got their jobs because they were attractive. I mean, let's be honest, most of them are (see exhibit 1, 2, 3). And they're just reading a teleprompter anyway, right? Well, because I'm a sexist pig, I assumed that the men got the job based on merit. I guess male anchors are just as dumb. Now it could be that he just isn't as good at jeopardy. But to get -4600! C'mon, Wolf! You'd think he'd have learned something with that hologram they have at CNN.

This makes me so happy though. Of course there are wonderfully smart people out there who are doing their best in academia and the government, for example, but I'm talking about the wonderfully smart people who entertain us. And for some other reason, I'm not talking about in writing books. I'm talking about the smart comedians. Here are some:

Andy Richter (apparently)
Elizabeth Banks - UPenn magna cum laude
Steve Colbert - Northwestern
Conan O'Brien - magna cum laude from Harvard
Natalie Portman - Harvard, she's mostly funny because of this.

Okay, I suppose the real point of this post was to show how smart elizabeth banks is. Isn't she a babe? I love her...I think I might have a chance too.

a comparison between umd and carleton

I've been at the university of maryland in college park for about 3 weeks now. There are so many differences between UMD and Carleton, so I am only going to point out a handful.

1) Famous people. Today, President Obama came to campus to talk about health care. Ya'll might be upset, but I didn't go. Obama was supposed to talk at 11am, they opened the doors at 9am, and they allowed people to line up at 5am. I really did not want to wait for 4-6 hours to hear him talk. I know, I'm a piece of shit. It's kind of like how I didn't go to see Scarlett Johannson when she visited. I suppose Al Franken and Kip Thorne also visited Carleton...but those are the 3 most famous people that visited in the four years I was there...at least that I know of. Anyway, Obama spoke here within 3 weeks...beat that!

2) Exploring Campus. Maryland is huge. One things I've realized about Maryland is that I will probably never go into most of the buildings. So far I've been in the materials science building, the physics building, the mechanical/aerospace engineering building, the student center (like sayles), and the rec center...and I suppose the football stadium counts too. And I've only been in the mech/aerospace engineering building to talk to a prof. who's office is there. Its as if I went to Carleton and only went in Olin, the CMC, Sayles, and the Rec. It takes so long to walk around everywhere...fortunately there are plenty of state-school grade girls everywhere.

3) the Segregation. I'm not talking racially here, I'm talking intellectually. There are literally "smart" and "dumb" dorms. It's basically the university's attempt at building a community. All the first years who come in with good grades and high test scores live in a group of buildings called the "Cambridge Community." The 4 dorm buildings (which are huge), surround a little courtyard that has banners that say things like "Economy, Environment, and Technology." Anyway, this dorm building is on the other side of campus as the other dorms, which are apparently like interest houses in that an entire dorm could be devoted to students who put on their application that they were interested in spanish. Okay, I'm starting to ramble now, so this section is done.

4) Athletics. I went to my first D1 football game last weekend when Liz visited. It was Maryland vs James Madison. There were over 46,000 people in the stadium and 2 jumbotrons. Of course there were all the overpriced foods like boardwalk fries and funnel cake too. I was sitting in the student section, and apparently its customary for the students to stand the entire game. Also, anytime a JMU student walked by, everyone would start chanting "Asshole, Asshole, Asshole" and point in their direction. I was so happy to be wearing a Maryland shirt. It was tight though. I was amazed when I first walked in. Did I mention that the stadium has night lights? Carleton should get some of those. The one thing I do love the most about Carleton athletics is that I am watching people I know play. At Maryland, I really couldn't care less. And tailgating! Wow. So many people chilling in the parking lots drinking. And littering like crazy. When Liz and I were walking back to the car, there was trash everywhere. It's like the cops pretend not to see or something.

5) Cops. Speaking of cops. I see at least 3 cop cars everyday. They are everywhere! Of course I never speed, so I'm not too worried.

6) Independence. Carleton does not prepare you for the real world. Carleton holds your hand throughout all 4 years. If you want to get things done at Maryland, you have to do it yourself. No one is going to come to you and let you know what you have or haven't turned in...unless its for money.

7) Freebies. There are so many things at Carleton that I took for granted. At Maryland, it costs $35 to get a locker at the rec center for one semester, $25 to get towel service for a semester, and $18-$30 each time you want to use the climbing wall or challenge course. I hope this doesn't make me sound cheap. On a side note, inside the rec center here is a place that sells the same smoothies we used to have in the snack bar. I was so happy about that.

8) Office Hours/Faculty. This is a huge difference from Carleton. A lot of faculty I have met with (especially the older ones) have offices both at Maryland and somewhere else, most commonly at NIST. Basically, they are only on campus on the days they have class. It's such a bummer when you're stuck on a problem. Some of the best faculty members don't even teach classes sometimes because they have so much grant money to do research that teaching would get in the way.

Well, those are the only ones I can think of off the top of my head. I'll have to write a real blog post one of these days...

Since we all know it's never too early to plan a party...

...(except if it's Tuesday and your party is on Friday).. 

WE ALSO KNOW IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY TO PLAN A PRE-GAME!! YEEHAW.

Given that Ted mentioned pre-gaming in his post, and that I am currently "funemployed" (thanks Dave), Nonberg and I have decided that I am going to compile a pre-game playlist for Friday night of alumni weekend since, well, there's nothing else to do!

So, send suggestions via comment and I will SadSteve them and make everyone happy.  And I will also entertain myself while doing so. 

There's also plenty of new music I've been listening to in my new, funemployed state of being.  So, maybe I'll post about it sometime soon.

Addendum to "I Know What I Did Last Summer": What's Wrong With Bars That Serve Too Much Beer

I never, ever thought I'd have a problem with bars that serve beer.  In fact, I don't have a problem with bars that serve beer.  The bars that serve TOO MUCH beer are the ones with which I have a problem (never hang your prepositions!).  And really, I never thought I'd have a problem with too much beer, either.  Alas, things change.

I hope you all know what I'm talking about.  We've all been to the-best-beer-bar-in-the-world, with the-biggest-selection-of-beer-on-the-planet.  But, we've all been to different places.  How does this work!?  Places like Capital Ale House in Richmond, VA, The Flying Saucer (a chain!), and the Brickskeller in Washington D.C. all come to my mind.  I've been to all of these, but others exist as well.  Ebenezer's in Lovell-fucking-Maine is supposedly the best beer bar in the world (according to our favorite site, Beer Advocate).  But, really, bars like this exist everywhere.  In fact, as I mentioned in the previous post, I went to one in Dallas and it was so fucking pedestrian that I don't even remember the name.  My main problem is simple: they all claim to be unique, and yet, they're all the same.

Every single one of these beer bars claims to have the best selection, and be the only place in the world where you can have such an experience.  But, really, they all have exactly the same selection, and they all make the world of beer seem rather small.  They also all claim to serve ridiculous Belgian beer and be the only place that does that, but really, they all serve ridiculous Belgian beer and are NOT the only places that do that.  I could go on and on.  They've all begun to blend into one stupid beer-serving entity in my mind at this point.  I used to love these places.  I'd eat them up.  But now, when offered the chance to go to one, I'm emotionless because they don't move me.  They shouldn't move you, either.

My second problem with these places is that they're all so fucking expensive.  Ordering a bottle of High Life will cost you at least 4.50.  That seems ridiculous, because I can buy a six pack of High Life for about 5 bucks.  That's more than the rule-of-thumb traditional 400% markup on booze that bars and restaurants follow.  The 400% markup is absurd enough, so paying anything more is stupid.  Don't even get me started on how much is costs to order anything even remotely crafty.  Plus, half the shit is in bottles anyway.  Who goes to a bar to drink beer in BOTTLES?  I can drink beer in bottles at home!  When I do that, I'm not limited by some stupid menu, but rather only by what I can or cannot buy.  

My third problem with these places is that they are boring.  Their ambience, their atmosphere, their overall drinking environment all lack any interesting qualities.  Nobody goes to these places to get schwasted (because everything is so fucking expensive), so you never see any interesting people.  Rather, you simply see people doing what they could be doing at home: sipping on beer.  Yet, they'd prefer to come to a place to be bored with other people and pay too much to sip on beer together.  When I was in D.C. at the Brickskeller I began to play darts with Elliot's friend on a dart board that had barely been used.  If you've been to the Brickskeller you know this place has been around a while.  It's a bar, people!  Play darts! Don't sit there being bored.  Also, we played some music from their juke box and I think the fact that the atmosphere went from soft talking about the Belgian brew to actual music was difficult for some to handle.  It's a bar, people! Play music!  Don't sit there with your hushed voices.

My fourth problem with these places is that the people who frequent them think they know way too much about beer.  I know amongst all of you myself and perhaps Ted are viewed as beer snobs.  But really, I don't pour different types of beer into different types of glasses to accentuate the bouquet that may or may not exist.  I don't sit there with my collared-shirted friend discussing the many aspects of the creamy head that sits atop my glass.  I say I like the taste and I drink it.  I drink more than one.  I drink it rapidly.

My fifth problem with these places is that they carry an unwarranted air of sophistication about them.  Case in point: Deep Ellum, Boston, MA.  This place is not even a very good "beer bar", but they had perhaps the most snobbish attitude of any of which I have yet visited.  After each person was served beer in a different type of glass to best present the beer that was ordered, we enjoyed what seemed like liquid gold, as we had paid just about that much for the privilege of drinking such nectar.  Soon after, I decided that I was sick of beer (because these places kinda suck), and I wanted a Red Bull Vodka.  Well, apparently this place was too-fucking-good for Red Bull.  I went to the bartender and asked, "If I were to order a drink that necessitated the use of Red Bull, would you be able to serve it to me?"  Not only did she just say "No" (which would have been at least acceptable, albeit quite sad), she laughed in my face and said "Absolutely not!"  Fuck that.