The Naked Black Man Story

I joined the YMCA at 34th and Blaisdell about two weeks ago. After reviewing the various pricing options for the YWCA, Snap Fitness, Lifetime, etc., I determined that joining the YMCA was the best choice - it's the closest, it has the best facilities (I can watch TV while I run on a treadmill), the lady that gave me and Liz a tour was awesome, and the people there are, well, interesting.

A few days after I joined, I walked into the men's locker room (18 years old and over only!), and opened up an unlocked locker to put all my clothing in. As I did, I noticed two things: 1) there was clothing in the locker, and 2) the room now reeked of marijuana.

Having put my stuff in a locker close-by, I began to change. Soon, a very tall, naked African-American male entered the "nook" I was occupying, and immediately started talking to me. His eyes were ridiculously bloodshot. The conversation went something like this:

Black Man (naked, standing): How you doin', my brotha?

Me (clothed, sitting): Uhh I'm good. Just getting ready to run.

Black Man (still naked, standing): Yo man, I've still got half a blunt left! And let me tell you, all a brotha needs when he comes here is to get in the pool. Get some cold water, get some hot water in that hot tub. That's all a brotha needs. Just chill in that water and you're good.

Me (clothed, sitting tying shoes): *chuckles* That's great, sir. Sounds pretty nice, but you gotta run too. Get your exercise.

Black Man (still naked, sitting): Nah man, I'm telling you - just chill in that water. The cold and hot. It's all you need. And I still got half a blunt left!

Me (clothed, standing ready to leave): *awkward laugh* Sounds good, sir.

Black Man (still naked, sitting): And you know what I'ma do now?

Me (clothed, still standing ready to leave): What's that, sir?

Black Man (still naked, sitting): I'ma go cruise in my Cadillac, just cruise the city. That's what I can do now. When you're my age, you can do that. I'ma just chill, cruisin' with my half a blunt.

Me (clothed, still standing ready to leave): Sounds like quite the time.

Black Man (still naked, sitting): And you know what I love to do? Cruise to little league games in my Cadillac. I just get there, talk to all the mothers, and just act a fool. I act a god damn fool. Love that shit!

Me (clothed, still standing ready to leave): *laugh* Alright I gotta go run.

Black Man (still naked, sitting): You have a good day young man. You have a good day and a good workout. Keep working hard. I wish you incredible success in any and everything that you do.

I can't make this stuff up.

I Know What I Did Last Summer

Today is September 12th.  This date officially marks the end of my summer - it's time to get down to business.  I can't really remember when the last time I posted was.  I just know it was a while ago.  Thus, I give you an update on this most significant of days, explaining what I have done for the past six weeks, and more importantly, what I plan to do for the upcoming months.

Sometime around July 20 I boarded a bus in Portland, ME and drove to Boston, MA where I boarded a plane to fly to Baltimore, MD where I got off a plane and boarded another one where I flew to Dallas, TX where my aunt picked me up in the airport and I boarded a car and was driven to her house.  I spent a few days in Dallas, going to cool places like the Apple Store, the Nasher Museum, Primo's,  and a place that served a lot of obscure beers (I forgot the name, but if I remember this topic I will explain why this does not matter).  

Sometime around July 23 our fellow stadium-mate John Vigeland drove the Lexus From Texas™ across the vast expanse of Texas megalopolis from Fort Worth to Dallas, and retrieved me from my aunt's house.  We drove to a hare krisha temple where we were served vegetarian Indian cuisine and only requested to donate money.  The food was delicious and we were quite full at the end of lunch.  We spent the next few days in Fort Worth meeting John's friends, going to get ice cream at Braum's, and preparing for the Great American Adventure™.

On July 26, we awoke ourselves from our slumber at the early hour of 6am.  We packed the car, ate some food, and set out on our adventure by 7:30am, ready to conquer the Eastern Seaboard.  Our destination was Nashville, TN, as we had heard about an excellent blue grass jam session set to occur at 9pm that evening at the Station Inn (complete with blind banjo player!).  As we drove east from Fort Worth, we promptly got lost.  

We soon found our way back on track, set the cruise control to 75mph, and pointed the car towards Nashville.  We arrived approximately 12 hours later, enjoyed the blue grass jam sesh, local beer, and pizza, and then walked along Broadway for a bit.  Nashville is a sweet city.

Now, so as to not bore you all with a day by day description of our road trip and all that occurred, I will simply list out the next few stops because, frankly, typing out an extended description of each simply does not do the trip justice.  Check out the facebook pics if you want more.

1. Nashville, TN (already explained)

2. Marshall, NC (rafting the Pigeon, karaoke in Asheville, etc.)

3. Charlotte, NC (Halo 2 all day and laundry)

4. Richmond, VA (request further explanation)

5. Shenandoah National Park, VA (much needed respite from alcohol and civilization)

6. Washington D.C. (Elliot's pool)

7. New York City, NY (fuck the police... and the prices... and the tolls...)

8. Cherry Valley, NY (chilled in a debris hut)

9. Boston, MA (pretended to buy engagement rings, saw really cool ceramics)

10. Naples, ME (helped my parents move, rope swings, etc)

We stayed in Naples for like ten days and then went to Algonquin Park in Ontario, CA.  This drive took a long time, but the destination made the drive well worth it.  We stayed at my family's cabin for ten days and then we were off to Northfield!  We left quite early in the morning, and toyed with the idea of driving straight to Northfield (18 hours).  We would have accomplished this except for two things.  One, we got slightly lost and probably went about an hour out of our way, and two, we were detained at the U.S. border for about 45 minutes, suspected of carrying marijuana from Canada to the U.S.  I kid you not.  Let me explain:

Looking a bit scruffy, unkempt, and generally "progressive", John and I drove through Sault Ste. Marie, ON toward the American border.  We made our way onto the International Bridge, connecting Canada and the U.S. and were politely reminded by a road sign to "Smile!" because we were on camera.  We met the Border Patrol agent who politely asked for our passports.  We gave them to him, he took them into his little shack, and then told us to wait.  Another officer came out of a different building carrying a still-unidentified piece of metal equipment and strictly directed me to drive alongside him as he walked.  We were to pull into the garage bay that was open to our right.  As we pulled in, it became apparent to us that there were probably about nine other officers along with the previous two, all just chilling in this garage bay.  We were instructed to exit the car, walk to a table, and empty our pockets onto said table.

Having done so, the agent then rifled through our wallets, smelled my hat (wtf?), and the following exchange occurred:

Officer: Where are you coming from today?

Me: Algonquin Park in Ontario

Officer: Really.  Did you go to Hemp Fest?

Me: No, sir.

Officer: Were you anywhere near HempFest?

Me: No, sir.

Officer: How do you know each other?

Me: We went to school together.

Officer: What was your major?

Me: International Relations (should have said "horticulture")

John (interjects): I was studio art!

Officer: Who is the car registered to?

John: My father.

Officer: Well let's get this all straight.  This car is going to be searched completely.  If we find anything at all, you two will be headed to prison and the car will be seized.  I bet your father wouldn't be too happy about that.  So, let's make this easy.  If there's anything at all that we should know about or that you shouldn't have, tell us now.  Or else, this could get real messy.

Me:  I can't think of anything (nervous breathing, heart pumping out of body)

They search the car, and two funny instances occurred.  One, the dog freaked out at one point, clearly smelling something.  All the officers got a little excited, and it turned out that they found a box of Kashi Go Lean that we had sitting in the trunk.  Two, an officer was going through our stuff in the back seat and came across a plastic baggy full of tea leaves.  He held it up, examined it, and proclaimed, "Guys! I've found the mother lode!"

After they found nothing (phew!), we were free to go.  This, combined with taking a wrong turn later in the drive, forced us to stay at an AmericInn in Wausau, WI and drive the remaining four hours of the drive the next morning.  We arrived in Northfield on August 31, having completed 4789 miles of driving between July 26 and August 31.  Our road trip was effectively finished.

In Northfield, I helped John move in, chilled with Viveka a bunch, and just generally relaxed.  I avoided real life for twelve days, and awkwardly pretended I was in college again.  I ate at Tiny's, went to the Cow, went to the Reub, went to Ho Bro's, went to the Hideaway, ate Basil's gyro pizza (twice!), napped in Memorial while watching baseball, and tried to avoid walking around campus and being that guy.  I guess napping in Memorial sorta messed up that plan though.  Oh, I also got the new phone numbers for the yellow security phones for Memorial and Cassat.  Word.

But, all good things must come to an end and so too did my time in Northfield and my summer.  No longer can I avoid supporting myself and getting a job.  Right now, it looks as if I'll be moving to Minneapolis and working for a start-up I got involved with this summer.  Things will become a lot more clear in the coming week, and I will keep you all updated as to what is occurring.  In an ideal world, I will have solid plans at the end of this week and hopefully be moved out there by the end of the month.  Be optimistic.  

Coincidentally, the end of the month is homecoming.  I am doing my very best to make sure that I am back for that, as I would like to avoid being tarred and feathered, being banned from the blog, or having a penis drawn on my face with Sharpie.  I really want to be able to jump on Mark and Alfredo and BK while they sleep so soundly.

Album Review: Dr. Dog - Fate

I'm going to begin this post wondering why I am even beginning this post (does that make sense?), since I'd rather that nobody else knew about the indie music I am enjoying and about which I am planning to write.  Furthermore, I will respectfully request of all you loyal readers that you do not tell anyone about the indie music I am writing about, since I'd prefer to continue to listen to it, and if everybody knows about it it becomes uncool, I will be forced to delete it from my iTunes, and therefore will no longer be able to enjoy it (but I wouldn't enjoy it anyway, at that point, because it would be uncool).  

iTunes tells me that the genre of Dr. Dog's album entitled "Fate" is "indie".  I try not to pay too much attention to the genre of a specific group - I prefer to listen to music that I truly like.  However, as we all know, I'm a pretty indie guy so I think that the simple fact I am now listening to this "indie" album helps with the personal image that I am trying to project to the world.  I'll probably end up playing this album on my radio show, wearing my Waldo glasses everywhere, and feeling elite about this music (and other stuff that nobody else knows about).

I know that Dr. Dog came to Carleton during a previous spring concert, and to be quite honest, I don't really remember much of it at all.  In fact, when my friend mentioned Dr. Dog to me, I thought he was talking about a rap group.  Nobody knew about Dr. Dog, and maybe that was better for the few people who did know about Dr. Dog, because they were probably infinitely cooler when they were even more indie and nobody knew about them.

But, let me tell you, their album "Fate" is currently just about the only thing I'm listening to.  It's a really enjoyable album, and I would recommend it to anyone that has any interest in any type of music at all (but only if you can truly appreciate it, and if you won't tell anyone else so it stays cool).

The album starts with a delightfully mellow song "The Breeze", where Dr. Dog ponders the movement of time, asking the listener if we think we're moving too fast, or if we're stuck in time.  Then, Dr. Dog encourages us to make a snow angel and freeze.  Maybe that's the solution to controlling time.  Snow angels.  Finally, Dr. Dog gets quite deep and recognizes that, in the end, it's the breeze.  And the breeze, ahh, it will blow us all away.  This song ponders a lot; time, renewal, weather patterns, and eventually (I believe) death and the afterlife.  I see "the breeze" as a clear metaphor of somehow moving on.

In the second track on "Fate", called "Hang On", Dr. Dog grapples with some identity issues that he himself is feeling.  This is a common indie theme, but he examines it from a new perspective.  He tells us he is not a stranger, and that we both get it wrong.  It is unclear whether "we" refers to the listener and the Dr., or another unknown subject.  But after this, Dr. Dog explains that he needs his heart mended, but in doing so, he belittles his own profession by explaining that he "don't need no doctor to tear [him] all apart" but rather just needs "you, to mend his heart".  Again, who "you" is is rather unclear: listener? unknown subject?  It's up for interpretation.  Lastly, Dr. Dog once again weaves the subject of varying weather patterns into this track, mentioning how our unknown subject (or the listener, "you"?) thought that a hurricane was just the "rustling of the wind".  Maybe we need a now-discredited Dr. to examine "your" nervous system?  Are "you" feeling numb, and unable to differentiate between varying degrees of wind speed?

Perhaps the best song on the album is the third track, entitled (quite nostalgically), "The Old Days".  This song is catchy, has a lot of repetition, longs for the old days, and does not mention any weather patterns in the lyrics.  I find all of this rather refreshing, like a breeze or the rustling of the wind (but not a hurricane).  The Dr. gets rather prophetic in this song, telling us that "down down down, the moon's going to fall down, thump thump thump, the house is going to fall down", and therefore we must go "back back back, back to the old days".  Finally, as we go back to the old days, we must "wrap up the money, and save it for a sunny day day day".  We are strongly encouraged to both save money with an eye toward the future, but at the same time go back back back to the old days.  Once again, the theme of the speed of time, and even time-travel, is explored in this epic tune (and it's only the third track!).  There are 8 more!

As the album continues, Dr. Dog wrestles with a variety of themes, conquering them all in his own unique, doctorly way.  The sixth track, "The Ark" is evidence of a valiant attempt by Dr. Dog to tackle weather patterns (again!), war, love, religion, and human existence as a whole.  All of these themes are discussed with the back of a rather chill guitar riff that helps the listener to understand these heavy, heavy themes.  After explaining his how he built an ark and rain didn't come, how he built a gun but was unsure about war, how he tried to give more to his love but made her poor, he finally asks the question "what does it mean to be here?".  I can't answer that, but he repeatedly tries, telling us "well, I know, because I can and I will".  However inspiring this lyric is, it still doesn't really tell us what it means to "be here".  But maybe that implied uncertainty is the essence of what he's getting at.

The second-to-last track, "The Beach" discusses weather patterns (again!), alcoholism, fate, marijuana, and memories.  This is some heavy-hitting shit; the ominous and dark guitar that plays in the background as the Dr. examines these themes makes them seem ever more serious.  It works quite well.  With each successive verse, the Dr. explains a situation, such as running aground in a beach during a rainstorm as rain pours through the roof of a boat (how terrible), and then explains how "fate has a funny way of coming around".  It's all deep, as previously recognized, but the Dr. does a good job of linking the themes and creating a bold and profound, yet easily enjoyed, track.

Overall, the album exemplifies the versatility of both Dr. Dog, but also the indie genre as a whole.  I would highly recommend this album to anybody (but don't tell anybody else!).

Alright, I'm off to take photos of my feet and strum my guitar before I hop on my fixed-gear to go buy a new (old?) sweater at the vintage clothing store.