Breaking Radio Silence

Alright, to be a contributor I may actually have to contribute something to this once in a while. I mean, shit, even Alfredo’s posted more than me in recent memory. So what’s been going on in my life lately?

My semester kicked off with an American Astronomical Society conference at a super nice Marriott in D.C. (I dare say even nicer than the Sans Souci and ESJ Towers). I mean, there was a meeting for “Grad Student Networking” where there were ten or twelve tuxedoed silent waiters with white gloves wandering around distributing hors d'oeuvres from giant platters. As someone who’s been eating a lot of Panda Express lately, I enjoyed this thoroughly. We also had a generous per diem from PSU, so dining out was highly encouraged. And good thing—I ran into Katie Magoon at our first dinner there. She told me she was there for a job interview. I assume she did not mean at the restaurant. Anyway, my point here is that I was feeling pampered for the four days I was there, which was a nice change of pace from the characteristic exploitation of graduate student life.

This event also happened to be the largest gathering of astronomers in recent memory, and it was really fun to be at the center of the action there. I doubt that I can claim the title of “astronomer” yet, but there was an oversupply of real astronomers, interesting talks, cool posters, and swag (posters, laser pointers, usb sticks, etc). This was all made better by the fact that we didn’t have to contribute anything. Usually attendance at these conferences (and associated funding) implies that you are at least presenting a poster about what you’ve been doing. Not so for my fellow first years and me—the department paid for us to go “just for the experience.” We were scientific freeloaders. And it was awesome. Besides, we’re not scientifically productive yet (that starts this summer), we just learn things people already know.

So, after a few days of science and nights of hotel room parties, we concluded with a big party at a place called Club Heaven and Hell (suspiciously similar to a certain gathering at Carleton). We had the entire place reserved, so it was effectively astronomers-only, which you might imagine to be awkward and unfun. You must not know many astronomers, because this was not the case, at least in Heaven. Astronomers, evidently, know how to have fun. And drink.

So if you ever get the chance to go to an academic conference, I would advise that you do it. And if that conference happens to be in D.C., do not try to take the Metro during rush hour with your luggage. Big mistake.

So that’s all I’m going to write for now, I’m a very slow writer and I have other things I want to do now. I have more to say soon. A few quick notes though:

-Spring break is starting, and Ted and I are driving around to NY and DC… we will see many awesome people and this will be fun.

-I have indeed taken a keen interest in a certain scuba girl lately. However, she is a long way away right now and it may be some time before things develop further. Still curious how you figured that out, Marky mark. Is my phone bugged?

Have fun with the end of the term there, Carletonites. And know the glories of the semester schedule: I will be done with classes (including a week of finals) before my birthday on May 8th.

Also, major props to Mr. Brenner.

Highdeas

I don't endorse what the website stands for, but I just think stoners are funny:

http://highdeas.com/

Recommendations: As with any site, search by "topalltime"

to give some examples:

1)All energy in the universe was created during the big bang billions of years ago. The energy rippled outwards and congregated around planets and stars. Anything that has EVER happened ANYWHERE in the universe was essentially powered by the big bang. one planet used this energy to make life that evolved into hairless monkey men who smoke a magic plant for higher understanding. They use the energy the big bang gave them to go about their lives, light lighters and raid the fridge. The big bang gave us all we need.

The Big Bang is.. "god"

2)Every stoner has something around them all the time that they never elaborate on until high. Like right now for me it's clothes. I can feel feel my clothes on me so well that they're like little tiny bugs covering my body in fashionable designs. When I noticed this I immediately named my clothes and got something to eat.

3)Anybody notice that the word bed looks like a bed?

4)White chocolate milk. Tell me I didn't just blow your mind. I know I just blew your mind

5)If you watch jaws backwards, its a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach.

6)Here's how u end the Twilight saga in one scene...Bella and Edward smoke a blunt together. Edward gets the munchies. No more Bella. The End

7)Volcano High

1. Become very rich.
2. Purchase 1 ton of weed. This will cost you 6 million dollars.
3. Purchase a helicopter. I don't know how much this costs.
4. Dump 1 ton of weed into a Volcano in Hawaii.
5. Prove or disprove the hypothesis that everyone in Hawaii will get high. Submit tape to Mythbusters.

Those are just some examples. I could easily keep going on. Stoners are hilarious.

Study Fuckin Break

For those of you not at Carleton, I'll remind you that it's about reaching the end of the quarter. Meaning the libe is full and people are getting very little sleep. I've slept less in the last week than I any other week at Carleton. For Social Scientists and studiers of the Humanities, that means a ton of papers. Bleh. But No matter - I'll be done with EVERYTHING by 5:30pm on the Last day of classes.

...It'll all be over soon...

So I've been stumbling. If you've never heard of Stumble-Upon, I highly recommend it.
Some of my study break stumbles:

The Power of Rumors and World of Mouth in the Digital Age

My Dream House

Um... Toto and Free-Ho, Get on this.

The Joe Francis Legal Defense Fund?

All of our national heroes are dying!

No seriously, all of them!

What do Bruce Willis and the Kremlin have in common? (Bk, How do you feel about this?)

Fuckin Awesome. I wanna be an explorer. (make sure to watch the video)


Enjoy.

Pete Holmes

I know, I know, unoriginal content. But this guy is hilarious, and this bit made me think of the Ocho..

Jokes.com
Pete Holmes - Things Adults Can Do
comedians.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

(In my opinion, the best part is: "I make my own rules! I take DayQuil at night! Do you get it?")

Winter Life in Hill

Now that it's 9th week and the weather is finally starting to warm up, and most importantly because swimming is over, I will now recount: Winter Tales from the House of Hill.

I think that the greatest moment that occurred in my house this winter happened merely a week ago. As I recall, I had walked through the door of Hill House into the hallway, when something caught my eye. It was our vending machine, which has always been considered one of the "clutch" amenities of our house, but today was different. Let me preface this by describing one of Hill House's strongest, most universally applicable attributes: We love Squirt. A lot. We drink Squirt everyday. Typically, the Squirt sells out 5 days after it is restocked. They refill the machines every 2 weeks. Ghastly. HOWEVER: on this wonderful, wonderful day, I realized that the slot in the vending machine that had always said "Make Another Selection" had a new label on it: "Squirt." Indeed, our vending machine now has 2 Squirt selections due to our insatiable consumption of the sugary citrus beverage. In all the years that vending machine has been in Hill House, it always had a blank slot... and we have signaled our preference using our power as consumers: and lo, the Gods of Supply and Demand have heeded our unspoken mandate.

Our housemates have many penchants beyond drinking Squirt: we also have the dirtiest banter I've ever heard. I believe that the most commonly used word in Hill House is "queef." Our main inspiration is our house's current game of choice: Super Smash Bros. Brawl. In addition to Smash, I've played No More Heroes and Mad World, both excellent games.

Our house has also been one of Toff's main homes: Andrew Mering might be Toff's favorite person. Also, we have a fireplace, which we have had fires in many times this term.

What else... As you all know 40s was awesome. Ethan Sagin is my hero. Unfortunately, Conference Party couldn't hold a candle up to 40s night.

Well shit, I have a 10 page paper to write this week and a 20 page one next week and a group project involving multiple regression analysis and 8 poems to memorize and a Russian essay to write. I should probably stop procrastinating and get to work...

The Cobra Struck

Tim: "Nonberg Do you know what we are going to do tonight?"
Nonberg: "I think so."
Tim: "Yeah we are going to binge drink and have a dance party."
Nonberg: "Awesome"
Tim: "Oh yeah, Nonberg I bought some Cobra"

The above conversation took place shortly before the last event of the MIAC championships stood behind the blocks. There was something in the air that night, something exciting. Sure the swimmers were swimming out of their minds and times were dropping like delinquents from first period math, but I am talking about the electricity for those alumni in the stands. As we watched the final leg of the relay come in, we knew we were in for a treat.
The men's team alumni squad plus ccg quickly met at the Radison to say our hellos to the coaches and family of team members. Shortly after, we departed for campus. Once on campus we met at Hill House and this is where our story really begins.
As the four men sat around the room, we wanted to do something while we waited for the bus to get back. Tim instantly went for the Wii, but to our dismay, it was not to be found. After no such luck finding the Wii, we plugged the ipod into our very familiar sound system and began to consume what would be the end for all of us.
For those that did not check the link above, "The Cobra" or 7o proof Coffee flavored Brandy seems to be an economic staple of the Maine economy. Tim often referred to the elixir as "liquid crack". By the team had gotten to Hill House the cobra's venom was already about 3/4 empty.
Per usual the men's team had the 40's feeling circle and proceeded to reminisce about the favorite parts of the season. At this point (speaking for myself) I was already on the train to Buzzville and believe me, it wasn't making any stops any time soon. After the feelings session the real fun began.
To go into great detail about what happened during that faithful evening would seem redundant. However I do feel its important to mention some of the highlights:
1. Failed Duct Taping of Nonberg
2. Freshman Fun (I am not proud of this particular highlight but it must be noted
3. Singing Yadda Yadda Yadda with the Ocho, plus Annie
4. Making Klontz call Kale a babe and him not doing it
5. Peeing outside with Klontz
6. Giving the cobra to many freshman
7. Elliot and Jared running in a certain juniors clothing through the complex.
8. Certain Precious Moments Between Couples
9. The morning after brunch
10. A certain someone barfing after breakfast.

There are many more memories, just most of them fuzzy and lost in the either of drunken debauchery.

Wave

A Cosmic Week...

Last week, the cosmos spoke to me.

It started actually longer than a week ago, with finding out about a certain member of the ocho's secret hidden relationship with a certain current senior at Carleton. News spread through the digital network due to my drunk ass and my phone, but we still desire to know more, my friend.

So that was cool. But besides the fact that I thought much of on its own, I didn't think much of it from a connected perspective... that is until the universe started to talk to me.

Last Tuesday, I was looking up the list of staff working at Good Ol Pendalouan this year (Fyi - I'm going back as the Asst. Program Director / Teen Director, so not as a counselor, but as a more supervisory/leadership role). I noticed a freshman from Macalester had been hired. I thought, "Whoa! Minnesota! Crazy." Its not that unheard of though, because Brenner had worked there and a few years ago there was a Gusty (but he wasn't a douche... i know weird). But then I looked at the name. It looked VERY familiar... I thought maybe she had a sibling at Carleton. I typed in the name in stalkernet and viola! IT'S DARA'S SISTER! I didn't know how to react. I texted Toto right away.

(708): DUDE SMALL WORLD: DARA'S SISTER IS GOING TO WORK AT MY CAMP THIS SUMMER!?

I realized that working under me was going to be the sister of a girl who wasn't exactly on my good side when I last saw her. Would I harbor feelings of resent? Would it affect my work? I know i'd have to tell this girl that I knew her sister, but how?

Toto texted me back, amuzed.

(612): hahahaha

BUT THEN he texted me again saying

(612): also, one of my friends, unprompted, started singing "you've lost that loving feeling" today

BAM! Right then and there, I knew something was up. Cosimic shit was abrewing. What was the universe trying to tell me? Was it building up to this weekend? Why was it sending me Ocho references up the wazoo? Little did I know, more was to come.

That night, there was a stupid free food thingy in the great hall sponsored by the Res Life and some of us went to get some free food. Turns out it was waffles and turns out Irene, our wonderful and amazing stadium RA from fall term, was making them. As she made them, she brought up that time where she had leftover breakfast stuff from a Cross Country Breakfast, and the ocho invaded her room, hungover as shit and in our pjs, and ate breakfast with her.

THEN, the next day, I was walking up the back stairs of Willis to 4th Willis to see Prof. Kim Smith because I bombed her midterm for Constitutional Law. On the way up I passed the door to the clocktower. Needless to say, I tried to open it, as I do with most doors that I walk by that I've never been in. but right there at 9am on Wednesday morning... it was open. I quickly went to talk to Kim, thinking about the clocktower the ENTIRE time. Afterwards, I snuck inside the door trying not to have the door make a loud noise. Let me say guys, its intense. There is a small stairway, a ton of electronics for KRLX and the bells, and then a lot of space... I had to get to class, but I definitely wish I had the ol Ocho Jolly Roger from the crow's nest.

Then there was the Conference Meet, which was powerful and amazing as always. We got to reunite with some of you and for those precious moments. Ted, Brooke and I appreciated texting with you during diving. We knew you'd have the answer to our specific questions.

Then there was 40ozs. Oh man. Too. Much. Fun. To the alums who made it down, everyone was talking the next day about how great it was to party with you that night. The men's team circle jerk, the Cobra, Seamus's dream, the cake, yada yada yada (that was epic), the creepy hispanic kid with no shoes or friends, Nonberg's freshman fun, and the late night hilarity, as well as the stadium-110ish morning recollection session/debrief the next morning was great too. GOOD FUCKIN TIMES.

And to put the cherry on top of the cosmic time, I loaded up on bacon the next morning because Toto told me to. And then I slept all day, and was fucked on Monday. Worth it? Yes.

Crazy. Cosmic. Week.

Employment & 40s

It turns out that I am now gainfully employed, complete with full benefits, a 401k, and a salary. Most of you know about this recent positive development in my life, but I've yet to really explain to anyone what exactly I actually do. I wrote this post at the end of my first week, but was hesitant to post for reasons explained to all of you in person.

So, let me tell you a bit about my new employer before I start. The company I'm working for is a privately owned advertising agency with its offices in Minneapolis (Advertising, you say? In Minneapolis? Go to New York!). The private ownership is a positive thing - we aren't accountable to some giant multinational holding company, so we have less bureaucracy, more creativity, and a much more comfortable work environment. One of the things that the agency prides itself on is community - everybody in the office gets to know everyone else, there's all sorts of parties, sports teams, happy hours, etc. They make it a really fun place to work. We're also on the rise.

So what exactly do I do? Well let me start by explaining what media does. In a nutshell, media takes the creative produced by, well, "the creatives" and figures out what exactly we should do with it based on the target audience demographics suggested by the account strategists. Media figures out what types of media to buy, where to buy it, how much to buy, etc so that we can place ads for our clients. It's sort of like creating the battle plan, where the creative material serves as your soldiers and the strategy info is your intelligence. At a non-traditional agency like mine, this requires a lot of creativity and brainstorming. Nothing is off limits. I was in a few brainstorms this week and it's really a pretty cool process. We also hear plenty of pitches from sales reps from different media companies.
From a hierarchical standpoint, I am at the bottom. There's a lot of more "administrative" stuff that I have to learn to do, along with just the general art/science of the whole discipline before I can even begin to think about moving up. This stuff includes media plan flow charts, media buy authorizations, learning the billing software, etc. It's a lot of "support", but that's how you learn. I'm enjoying it.

So, that's pretty much my job.

In other news, some of us experienced an epic weekend. Watching you guys swim at conference was pretty sweet - I enjoyed all the races, seeing everyone, etc. 40s last night was ridiculous. I still have a headache despite taking a two hour nap earlier. All I can say is that the cobra struck and I still feel the venom. I need the antidote. I'll let someone else give a more comprehensive post on the weekend's festivities.

Let the Countdown Begin!

I like Countdowns (but hate counting - how tragic). So I thought I'd do a countdown post. I got the idea because Joe Sjo last friday night whispered in my ear and goes "8 Days... 8 Days..."

We got a bunch of good times coming up in the next chunk of days.

In almost exactly 3 days from now, the team will be heading up to the U of M for this season's Conference Meet. Everyone is pretty fuckin stoked. Heading up on the bus, moving into our hotel rooms, and having team meetings... I get chills just thinkin about it.

Then 3 action packed days later, we finish up Conference (btw: I'm thinking of blogging about the meet during it, thoughts?), hop around happily in the Radisson lobby, eat some sub sandwiches and then get jittery because we want to make it back for...

Men's team 40s!! 40 (or 80... or more) ounces of good times, memories, and bro-ing out with the men's team including special guests Elliot Bartis, David Nonberg, Tim Foran and maybe Jared Plotz? Drankin in Hill and then if it gets shut down after its gets to crazy when the women come over we'll head to either Dow or Davis.

Then the next weekend is the Conference Party, which I'm pretty stoked about. Following tradition, nothing will be revealed prior to the event.

AND THEN the following weekend is Schlaefer and K. Sloan's Goodbye Bash, since they are both graduating early and won't be around much spring term. In Schlaef's email to the rest of Dow asking us if we are willing to host he said:

I would like to have a mega rager - stay up til sunrise, drink obscene amounts, people passed out on floors, etc. - on March 6th, a Saturday, as a farewell to Carleton for Kelsey and I. Sound alright? hope so

Should be a good time.

And then it gets towards the end of the term, but looking to one big event comin up:
SPRING TERM! and my 21st as well! Pretty Pumped about this.

So RECAP:

73 Hours until Bus Leaves for U of M
152 Hours till men's team 40oz's
162 Hours until Tavern Breakfast?
13 Days until Conference Party
12 Days until the new tradition of drunk dining hall the night before the Conference Party
20 Days until Schlaef's Mega Rager

Good times ahead to be sure.*

Oh and BTW: Hey Ted, What day is it in the International Year of Stadium 110?



*Hours and days may not be entirely accurate. I hate counting.