Let me tell you a little story...

...about a man named Charlie Moore. Charlie, aged 51, lived a quiet and mediocre life in the 12th most populous city in our great country - San Francisco. Charlie had a wife of 26 years, whom he had met while attending the City College of San Francisco. Charlie and his wife, Lily, actually both were from the same area of the city, and had consequently spent much of their life within a twelve block radius of each other, but for whatever reason had never actually been introduced before. When they finally got to college, they met.

Charlie attended CCSF to study business, but his real passion was transportation. He figured that one day he would use his business degree to begin working for the local transit authority, and then eventually he would weasel his way into a training program to be a cable car operator. Since childhood, Charlie had watched, ridden, studied, and adored the cable cars of San Francisco. He had told himself for as long as he could remember that one day he would operate one of those beautiful things.

Lily attended CCSF to find a husband. She was a somewhat dim girl, but studied hard enough to get into college. She figured that if she got into a decent school, she could find a decent husband, and spent the rest of her life cooking, cleaning, and caring for her decent husband and the children of hers that he sired. What Lily studied at CCSF is irrelevant to this story, but since you're wondering, I'll tell you. She studied Child Development and Family Studies. Fitting, right?

After they both graduated, Charlie and Lily decided it would be best to stay in San Francisco. They were from the city, had lived their whole lives there, and frankly, they both loved it. "Why leave now?" they asked themselves. They were young, in love, and could be around their family. Plus, they were in a big city that offered many opportunities for Charlie to apply his knowledge from his CCSF business degree - there were many job opportunities.

For the next few years, Charlie and his wife lived in a decent-enough neighborhood eating decent-enough food. Charlie worked decent-enough hours, and they had a decent-enough social life. Overall, their life was quite, well, decent. Charlie had used his business education to get a job as a customer service manager in a call center at a local manufacturing facility. He made decent-enough money. His employees were decent-enough people. His boss, Lawrence, however, was less than decent. He was a vile, evil man that rarely if ever gave Charlie the benefit of the doubt with regard to anything. Lawrence was a narcissistic man, a neurotic man, and a tyrant. Charlie despised him, but given that Charlie was a decent-enough person, he didn't make that obvious. Charlie avoided Lawrence at all costs, and consequently his career path was secure, but stagnant.

Soon, Lily began to realize that their life was less than decent, as their friends all moved into better houses where they served arugula and organic beef tenderloin at their housewarming parties. Charlie and Lily would come home from these parties late in the evening, and have a glass of chillable red as a nightcap. It was clear that Charlie's employment situation was less than ideal. Given that Lily had a degree that was, well, worthless, it was up to Charlie to find a new job that would allow him to move up in the world.

Charlie took his experience to firms in many different fields. He interviewed with banks, manufacturing firms, non-profits, dispensaries. He had decent management skills, and he figured that these companies needed his expertise. However, they all said no. Flat-out. Nein. Nyet. And Charlie hadn't the vaguest idea as to why!

So, with Charlie swallowed his pride, took a month or two off, and thought for a while. He thought, and thought, and thought, and finally his mind wandered back to his childhood. Remembering those cable cars that he adored, he decided that since nothing else was working out for him, maybe he should pursue his dream. Charlie, self-assured as always, told his with Lily. He said, "Lily, I'm going to be a cable car operator."

Lily thought he was out of his mind. How could a cable car operator possibly make enough money to keep up with the Joneses, giving Charlie and Lily the opportunity to move to a bigger house, and host a housewarming party where they served organic beef tenderloin and fresh arugula tossed in a light balsamic dressing? As a cable car operator, they'd be stuck with their chillable red, Lily claimed. She told him she couldn't support it. She said, "No Charlie, I can't allow this. I've lived my life with you, thus far, with the expectation that you would turn into something big. In return, I've cooked for you and cleaned for you and cared for the two children of mine that you've sired. I need you to go make more money."

So, Charlie, being the decent husband that he was, went and did just that. He abandoned his dream of becoming a cable car operator and instead entered a training program at an international bank to become a financial analyst (much like the infamous Chris Garnder, portrayed by Will Smith in the biographical film with the oddly spelled title "Pursuit of Happyness"). Let me tell you, my friends, Charlie was a natural! He was so damn good at analyzing finances that he soon climb the corporate ladder and was a manager of (count them!) three (3) inferior analysts. His decent managerial skills were being put to use. Furthermore, his wife, Lily, was quite happy. Charlie was making money, the kids would be put through college with little problem, and Charlie and Lily were saving quite a hefty chunk of change as well. Things couldn't have been better.

Charlie spent many years at this finance firm, and climbed the ladder higher and higher. Finally, one day, Charlie had had enough. He walked into his boss's office and quit on the spot. No two weeks notice, no reason, just quit. While he didn't make it clear, he made this decision based on a dream he'd had. He had dreamed that he died in Lily's arms from an acute myocardial infarction, due to his lack of exercise and poor eating habits that were a result of his work schedule. With this monumental realization now firmly implanted in his brain, he was motivated to get out of his day-to-day, drab, decent-enough life and pursue his dreams. After all, due to his hard work and dedication, Charlie had saved a hefty nest-egg. He could live many, many years on his the money he had stashed away, and thus he decided it was finally time to pursue his dream. He was going to become a cable car operator.

Charlie walked down to his street until a cable car passed. When he was given the opportunity to board, he did.

He inquired to the conductor, "Who must I talk to become a conductor, like you?"

The conductor responded, "Sir, you must speak with my boss, Mr. George Jefferson. He's the director of the cable car company. But let me warn you, he only hires who he think will be the best. And, I'll tell you this, only the best of the best succeed at the job. I, for one, have worked on this car for 22 years. As you can tell, I'm the best of the best."

Charlie responded, "Well, sir, I have lived in San Francisco my entire life, I've made my fortune here, and now I want to pursue my dream. Since it is my lifelong dream to be a conductor on a cable car, I have no doubt that I will be the best."

The conductor simply responded, "Good luck, Sir," and continued to man the wheel of the car, greeting new passengers and driving along.

Charlie eventually disembarked from the cable car at the office of Mr. George Jefferson and inquired about open positions. Jefferson was happy to speak with him, since Charlie was now a man of money. Jefferson, however, was taken aback by Charlie's question.

Charlie asked him, straight up, "Mr. Jefferson, what can I do to become a cable car conductor?"

Jefferson responded, aghast, "You want to become a cable car conductor? I figured you were here to make a donation!" Jefferson had doubts about Charlie, but when Charlie flashed a wink and a wad of Benjamins, Jefferson had but little choice - he had to train Charlie to be a cable car conductor.

The conversation continued, and Jefferson and Charlie came to a conclusion. Charlie would train to be a conductor under the tutelage of the best conductor in the system. In exchange, Jefferson would receive one hundred dollars for every hour of training that Charlie received. After 1000 hours, Charlie would be given his own cable car. His dreamed would be realized.

Charlie's training went fairly well. Jefferson had reason to think that maybe Charlie wasn't the best, but he loved the money, and so he let him continue. As his training, ended, Charlie took control of the famed Car No. 62. Things quickly spiraled out of control.

On his third day, Charlie was driving the cable car when a small black and white cat ran into the tracks. Charlie had no choice but to hit the cat - he couldn't stop. Some speculate that Charlie was driving the cable car a bit too fast, and thus did not allow himself the time to react, but an investigation quickly ended with no blame being placed. Charlie continued in his job.

On his 13th day, a similar incident happened, but this time with a small child. It turns out, Charlie was distracted because he was talking to a passenger. The child died upon impact with the cable car. Unlike the best of the best, Charlie couldn't carry on a conversation and conduct safely at the same time. An investigation began, but was soon hushed by Charlie's money. Charlie continued in his job.

A series of these events continued, and it became clear to Mr. Jefferson that Charlie was not the best of the best at all, but in fact, quite poor at his job. On the day before he was to be go, Charlie was operating his cable car and began to go down a hill. Charlie, again, got distracted, this time by an attractive female passenger that had boarded, and he didn't stop the car. The car ran one intersection, then a second, narrowly missing vehicles and pedestrians both times. It ran a third, and a fourth, sideswiping two cars in the process. Finally, as it picked up speed, it ran a fifth intersection and brutally killed a family of six as they crossed the street. Nobody in the cable car was hurt. People were shaken, though, and exited as soon as the car finally screeched to a halt.

This time, an investigation could not be stopped by Charlie's bribes. It continued, and Charlie was found criminally liable for his negligence, and was charged with second degree murder of an entire six person family. Charlie's demeanor throughout the entire ordeal inflamed the souls of the jurors, and they recommended the death penalty for Charlie. The judge concurred, and soon Charlie was on death row.

He threw more and more money at the case, but his lawyer could do little to change the circumstances. Soon, Charlie's day of reckoning arrived. Charlie had his last meal, a healthy helping or arugula with balsamic and organic beef tenderloin, and then got one last visit from Lily, before he tearfully said goodbye.

In California, at this time, the death penalty was carried out by electric chair. Charlie was escorted to the chair, strapped in, and given a chance to speak his last words. He stated, "I regret what I have done. While I've lived a decent life, I hurt too many as I followed my dreams." Seconds after, the executioner flipped a switch and the electricity was flowing. But, nothing happened to Charlie! He just sat there, smiling. The executioner tried again, and again, but Charlie did not even flinch. Everybody sat there confused, and then finally, Mr. Jefferson (who as in attendance, because Charlie had disgraced his entire company and Jefferson wanted to see his final demise), stood up and said:

"Friends, I know the problem. And frankly, I always had an inkling about this, but Charlie's money always made me keep my mouth shut."

The rest in attendance all murmured, collectively wondering, "What could Jefferson know that the executioner doesn't?"

The executioner yelled, in panic, to Jefferson. "What the hell is it?! Why won't he die? This electric chair has never failed!"

Jefferson simply responded: "Charlie Moore is a bad conductor."