For Free-Ho

In a comment to my last post, Free-Ho asked the following:
Could you translate one section of your letter please? "...[but]now since we odont have allsasa grsh to unsult we oinly have bithces to insult."
What is 'allsasa grsh?'


I will translate and explain.
It means to say, "But now since we don't have Alyssa Hursh to insult, we only have bitches to insult."

Alyssa Hursh wrote this in THE CLAP fall term of last year:

WHY I HATE THE REC CENTER
by Alyssa Hursh

Here's the thing: I really like working out. Pounding the elliptical for an hour while watching reruns of America's Next Top Model on MTV is better than chocolate. Wikipedia says that the phenomenon of a runner's high is caused by anandamide, which has properties similar to the THC you smoked last weekend. Maybe my chemical receptors are stronger than most, but I invariably leave the gym feeling completely blissed out. Unfortunately, as of late, anandamide has been absent in my life. Why? Because I hate the Rec Center. And for solid, numerable reasons.

3. Entire Athletic Teams in the Rec at the Same Time: Swimmers, you upset me so much. Maybe you're trying to be polite by coming at 6:30 in the morning, but the only reason I go to the Rec before sunrise is to avoid working out with three dozen people. Then you refuse to re-rack your weights or put the step benches back in the dance studio. If you must work out en masse, let's see some courtesy. Cross country runners, you're just as bad. I do not need to know how low your heart rate is while you clip along on the treadmill. Neither does your friend across the room. Stop yelling your numbers at each other.

In response, at a Casa party at the end of the term, we, as a swim team, wrote this little ditty:




We never sent it, but it was found by a library staff member in a copier on 3rd libe and it was sent to the Dean of Students, and then they called Alyssa Hursh in...

Nothing ever came of it.





And the rest is history!

OLE-BALL and My First Experience in a Carleton Publicaton

Not this past weekend, but the one before that, the Men and Women Carleton's Swim Team joined with the St. Olaf Swim Team for a tradition that we like to call OLE-BALL! This tradition consists of a couple of Kegs, Pigeon Field, Beer Ball, and a bunch of swimmers. After a few hours of Ole vs. Knight beer ball, bat races, and line chugs, we usually head to the dining hall and have a 90 person drunk dining hall experience that consists of drunken cheering, chanting, singing, tame food fights and merriment. In the past, the teams have done this on the morning of Spring Concert. Starting at 9am, heading to brunch at around 11 or so, and then going to Spring Concert a lil after Noon.

Because of a different finals schedule for them than in previous years, the OLEs could not do OLE BALL on the morning of Spring Concert. So we decided to do it a week earlier and in the afternoon. So at 5:00pm on Saturday the 9th of May, we met on Pigeon field to drink and play ball. We then stormed across campus to Burton dining hall and took over half of the dining hall about 10 min before they were going to close.

The dining hall workers didn't know what hit them.

We then proceeded to a townhouse for a good old dance party. It was all good and fun and at 11pm, after drinking for 6 hours straight, when it felt like 2am... some of us went back to the room to watch Fellowship of the Ring.

Here is where I am going to put my own personal perspective of how the night progressed. I drank a lot that night. And as the party died down and we were leaving, I grabbed a few cups of the strong Rum and Fruit Juice drink that was in the ever recognizable Carleton trash/recycling bins... and chugged them down. I also brought a few home with me to enjoy whilst watching LOTR.

I enjoyed watching the movie. But I also drank those two drinks... and those drinks compelled me to write an email. An email to Carleton's weekly "we'll publish anything" publication, The CLAP. This publication is known for its willingness to publish anything, its prevalence to ridicule anonymous submitters, and the large number of drunken rants that are published each week.

I really don't remember my motives. I think I decided that it was a good time to write an article calling out the girl who ate Toto's easy mac, although that isn't crystal clear in the article.

Well longer story short, It got published.
I present to you, my first experience in a Carleton Publication:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Mark
To: THE CLAP
Cc: "Tim", "Timothy", "Ted", "Annie", "Ryan", "Elliot", "Ray", "Emma"
Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2009 12:53:20 AM GMT -06:00 US/Canada Central
Subject: tbe clap

hey clap,
i wrote something last year to the clao but as aswim team member bvt now since we odont have allsasa grsh to unsult we oinly have bithces to insult


first off. yes i drank with ole ball with oles in burton on sauteday night with oles. in burton. it was a shit show. and now after housrs of beer ball and drinking in IM softball with a keg or two or three. i drink in brooks house town house adn now in sadium the quint 110 BITCHES. you know you miss it because we did it all the time fall term and now we keep tooursleves because we do it. but heck iout gouter bolg fit will work.

so fuck that oine grilr probashriftisz who took tototototototototot''s easty mack . FUCK YOU. Do you really think that taking a easy mac from a stranger's food shelf who is on the 5 MEAL PLAN is cool? yor a bitch. FUCK you. RANT TRANT RANT RANT...

I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT.


i wont be anonymous.
i love carleotn
i hate vitches

yeah lotr
boo bitches who steal easy mach

-mark
lass of 230111

maybe the rewt of stadium 110, but byabes bott