Breaking Radio Silence

Alright, to be a contributor I may actually have to contribute something to this once in a while. I mean, shit, even Alfredo’s posted more than me in recent memory. So what’s been going on in my life lately?

My semester kicked off with an American Astronomical Society conference at a super nice Marriott in D.C. (I dare say even nicer than the Sans Souci and ESJ Towers). I mean, there was a meeting for “Grad Student Networking” where there were ten or twelve tuxedoed silent waiters with white gloves wandering around distributing hors d'oeuvres from giant platters. As someone who’s been eating a lot of Panda Express lately, I enjoyed this thoroughly. We also had a generous per diem from PSU, so dining out was highly encouraged. And good thing—I ran into Katie Magoon at our first dinner there. She told me she was there for a job interview. I assume she did not mean at the restaurant. Anyway, my point here is that I was feeling pampered for the four days I was there, which was a nice change of pace from the characteristic exploitation of graduate student life.

This event also happened to be the largest gathering of astronomers in recent memory, and it was really fun to be at the center of the action there. I doubt that I can claim the title of “astronomer” yet, but there was an oversupply of real astronomers, interesting talks, cool posters, and swag (posters, laser pointers, usb sticks, etc). This was all made better by the fact that we didn’t have to contribute anything. Usually attendance at these conferences (and associated funding) implies that you are at least presenting a poster about what you’ve been doing. Not so for my fellow first years and me—the department paid for us to go “just for the experience.” We were scientific freeloaders. And it was awesome. Besides, we’re not scientifically productive yet (that starts this summer), we just learn things people already know.

So, after a few days of science and nights of hotel room parties, we concluded with a big party at a place called Club Heaven and Hell (suspiciously similar to a certain gathering at Carleton). We had the entire place reserved, so it was effectively astronomers-only, which you might imagine to be awkward and unfun. You must not know many astronomers, because this was not the case, at least in Heaven. Astronomers, evidently, know how to have fun. And drink.

So if you ever get the chance to go to an academic conference, I would advise that you do it. And if that conference happens to be in D.C., do not try to take the Metro during rush hour with your luggage. Big mistake.

So that’s all I’m going to write for now, I’m a very slow writer and I have other things I want to do now. I have more to say soon. A few quick notes though:

-Spring break is starting, and Ted and I are driving around to NY and DC… we will see many awesome people and this will be fun.

-I have indeed taken a keen interest in a certain scuba girl lately. However, she is a long way away right now and it may be some time before things develop further. Still curious how you figured that out, Marky mark. Is my phone bugged?

Have fun with the end of the term there, Carletonites. And know the glories of the semester schedule: I will be done with classes (including a week of finals) before my birthday on May 8th.

Also, major props to Mr. Brenner.

Highdeas

I don't endorse what the website stands for, but I just think stoners are funny:

http://highdeas.com/

Recommendations: As with any site, search by "topalltime"

to give some examples:

1)All energy in the universe was created during the big bang billions of years ago. The energy rippled outwards and congregated around planets and stars. Anything that has EVER happened ANYWHERE in the universe was essentially powered by the big bang. one planet used this energy to make life that evolved into hairless monkey men who smoke a magic plant for higher understanding. They use the energy the big bang gave them to go about their lives, light lighters and raid the fridge. The big bang gave us all we need.

The Big Bang is.. "god"

2)Every stoner has something around them all the time that they never elaborate on until high. Like right now for me it's clothes. I can feel feel my clothes on me so well that they're like little tiny bugs covering my body in fashionable designs. When I noticed this I immediately named my clothes and got something to eat.

3)Anybody notice that the word bed looks like a bed?

4)White chocolate milk. Tell me I didn't just blow your mind. I know I just blew your mind

5)If you watch jaws backwards, its a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach.

6)Here's how u end the Twilight saga in one scene...Bella and Edward smoke a blunt together. Edward gets the munchies. No more Bella. The End

7)Volcano High

1. Become very rich.
2. Purchase 1 ton of weed. This will cost you 6 million dollars.
3. Purchase a helicopter. I don't know how much this costs.
4. Dump 1 ton of weed into a Volcano in Hawaii.
5. Prove or disprove the hypothesis that everyone in Hawaii will get high. Submit tape to Mythbusters.

Those are just some examples. I could easily keep going on. Stoners are hilarious.

Study Fuckin Break

For those of you not at Carleton, I'll remind you that it's about reaching the end of the quarter. Meaning the libe is full and people are getting very little sleep. I've slept less in the last week than I any other week at Carleton. For Social Scientists and studiers of the Humanities, that means a ton of papers. Bleh. But No matter - I'll be done with EVERYTHING by 5:30pm on the Last day of classes.

...It'll all be over soon...

So I've been stumbling. If you've never heard of Stumble-Upon, I highly recommend it.
Some of my study break stumbles:

The Power of Rumors and World of Mouth in the Digital Age

My Dream House

Um... Toto and Free-Ho, Get on this.

The Joe Francis Legal Defense Fund?

All of our national heroes are dying!

No seriously, all of them!

What do Bruce Willis and the Kremlin have in common? (Bk, How do you feel about this?)

Fuckin Awesome. I wanna be an explorer. (make sure to watch the video)


Enjoy.

Pete Holmes

I know, I know, unoriginal content. But this guy is hilarious, and this bit made me think of the Ocho..

Jokes.com
Pete Holmes - Things Adults Can Do
comedians.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

(In my opinion, the best part is: "I make my own rules! I take DayQuil at night! Do you get it?")

Winter Life in Hill

Now that it's 9th week and the weather is finally starting to warm up, and most importantly because swimming is over, I will now recount: Winter Tales from the House of Hill.

I think that the greatest moment that occurred in my house this winter happened merely a week ago. As I recall, I had walked through the door of Hill House into the hallway, when something caught my eye. It was our vending machine, which has always been considered one of the "clutch" amenities of our house, but today was different. Let me preface this by describing one of Hill House's strongest, most universally applicable attributes: We love Squirt. A lot. We drink Squirt everyday. Typically, the Squirt sells out 5 days after it is restocked. They refill the machines every 2 weeks. Ghastly. HOWEVER: on this wonderful, wonderful day, I realized that the slot in the vending machine that had always said "Make Another Selection" had a new label on it: "Squirt." Indeed, our vending machine now has 2 Squirt selections due to our insatiable consumption of the sugary citrus beverage. In all the years that vending machine has been in Hill House, it always had a blank slot... and we have signaled our preference using our power as consumers: and lo, the Gods of Supply and Demand have heeded our unspoken mandate.

Our housemates have many penchants beyond drinking Squirt: we also have the dirtiest banter I've ever heard. I believe that the most commonly used word in Hill House is "queef." Our main inspiration is our house's current game of choice: Super Smash Bros. Brawl. In addition to Smash, I've played No More Heroes and Mad World, both excellent games.

Our house has also been one of Toff's main homes: Andrew Mering might be Toff's favorite person. Also, we have a fireplace, which we have had fires in many times this term.

What else... As you all know 40s was awesome. Ethan Sagin is my hero. Unfortunately, Conference Party couldn't hold a candle up to 40s night.

Well shit, I have a 10 page paper to write this week and a 20 page one next week and a group project involving multiple regression analysis and 8 poems to memorize and a Russian essay to write. I should probably stop procrastinating and get to work...