A visit to Bates

I decided to visit a good friend of mine, Mark, at Bates last night.  I was with two other friends from home, Johnnoe and Stephanie, as well.  We ended up having an excellent time, and at the urging of Mark, may be "pulling the double" by going back up tonight to participate in "Discharge" a "performance art piece" that really just sounds like 4 or 5 DJs alternately spinning tunes, with the idea that everyone there is part of the art that is taking place, creating "positive energy" in "negative space" or something like that - a bunch of fuckin' hippies with these "energy" ideas, if you ask me.  That's what happens when you put a bunch of adolescents into these small liberal arts colleges.

But, besides meeting a bunch of people who know people at Carleton or who actually go to Carleton (wtf?), I learned a few things.  In no particular order:

1. Papa Johns takes way too long to deliver.  Furthermore, Papa Johns does not compare to Basil's gyro. "Garlic sauce". What? Really. Give me my tzatziki any day.

2. Ice is slippery.  I slipped on ice last night when leaving a party.  About a half hour later, I noticed my hand was bleeding in three places.

3. Bloody hands hurt.  This was apparent both this morning when I woke up, but also when I showered and got shampoo and face wash all up in the cuts.  Ouch.

4. Bates Security kinda sucks.  They came to a party and it was sorta like when the cops came to the party in Superbad.  They asked me if I lived at the house.  I said no, and ran.  Everybody was rushing to get out, and I didn't know what to do.  Furthermore, at the time I was in the middle of a conversation with a nice girl from Minnesota who knew people at Carleton, as well.

5.  Where's the ______ (name a competitive drinking game)?  At the party I was at (2 kegs) there was not a single game of Beirut or any other type of competitive drinking going on.  I was appalled.  So we stand there?  That's it?

6.  My friend Johnnoe has really weird dreams.  For example:  "So I dreamt last night that I ordered Indian food, right?  Except, I ended up ordering Indian food from India.  So, when I finally noticed that I did that, I called the place to try to cancel the order.  But, they had already made my food and gotten on a plane to deliver it to me.  So, I met the guy at the airport and he was like 'So it's $1800, please.' And I said, 'Sir, I can't afford that.' And the man replied, 'Well this happens all the time... It happened to me.  To pay for the food you have to take my job and be the international delivery boy.  So, you're now the international delivery boy, and you have to keep delivering internationally until someone else can't pay, and then you're free.' And that was my dream."

7.  My spring break beard is now so bushy that I must use shampoo to clean my face.  It will eventually need to be trimmed with a machete.

8.  Bates' food is much better.  For example, their muffins aren't shitty and soft.  They're crisp and delicious on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside.  They have donuts.  And they also have Stonyfield Farm individual serving yogurts.  Limitless.  Although that is an incredibly unsustainable practice, I think Bon Appetit should put on their man pants and start serving yogurt to us like that.